One of our wedding planners, Samantha, is being married today in Canberra.  I am so excited to be attending a wedding as a guest rather than the girl running around like a headless chicken making everything look beautiful.  Samantha has insisted that she style and organise the wedding all herself, which she will have done spectacularly, I have no doubt.  However, with no centerpieces to fluff, no aisle runners to smooth and no flowergirls to chase, this leaves me in a position I rarely find myself in.  What do I wear as a wedding guest rather than the wedding planner?

The invitation says formal, which is always a little difficult to guage.  My wedding planning uniform of super-wide black pants and tuxedo jacket are out.  I want to feel feminine.  I want to feel different to the weddings I attend as a worker bee.  I want to feel gorgeous!

I have a wardrobe full of 70’s style maxi dresses.  Long before the fashion came back, my height and shape has dictated that this style is the best look for me.  I am leaning towards a gorgeous Leona Edmiston dress I have stashed away that I last broke out for my brother’s wedding.  But as the wind is incredibly gusty and the chill factor is likely to head well below zero, I need to be wary of staying warm… aaah, what is a girl to do?

Off to The Knot for their guide on wedding guest attire:

The invite says: “White Tie”

This is the most formal of all wedding dress codes (think state dinners and the Oscars).
He should wear: A tuxedo, a long black jacket with tails, a white pique vest, and a bow tie. Black, formal shoes and even white gloves for dancing are appropriate.
She should wear: A formal, full-length ball gown in a neutral color like dark brown or black. Glamorous makeup and dramatic jewelry and hair are appropriate.

The invite says: “Black Tie”

This is the next most formal wedding dress code and usually means the wedding is an evening affair.
He should wear: A tuxedo. A black bow tie, cummerbund, and patent leather shoes are also suggested.
She should wear: A chic cocktail dress or a long evening gown in a dark, neutral color like brown or black. The bride, wedding party, or friends can help answer questions about the appropriate dress length.

The invite says: “Formal” or “Black Tie Optional”

The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn’t required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.
He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black.

The invite says: “Beach Formal”

This suggests an elegant beach wedding — so dress to impress, but also dress for the elements (sun, sand, and water). Anything you’d wear to a nice restaurant on a summer day is appropriate.
He should wear: A summer suit with a linen shirt (no ties required), linen pants or khakis, and sandals.
She should wear: A formal summer sundress at tea- or knee-length with flat sandals. Makeup and hair can be natural and everyday.

The invite says: “Semiformal” or “Dressy Casual”

Depending on the time of the event, you’ll want to dress somewhere between formal and casual. Wear darker, more formal hues for an evening fete; opt for light colors and fabrics for a daytime wedding.
He should wear: A suit and tie, dark or light depending on the season and time of day.
She should wear: A cocktail dress or a dressy skirt and top.

The invite says: “Casual”

Generally, casual means anything goes. That said, jeans, shorts, and tank tops are probably not appropriate unless they’re specifically noted as acceptable. For the purposes of wedding wear, assume business casual to be on the safe side.
He should wear: Dress pants with a button-down shirt or polo.
She should wear: A summer sundress or a skirt or pants with a nice blouse. Makeup and hair can be natural and everyday.

Stay tuned. I think the Leona is the key, but I may have to scrounge through my grandmother’s amazing coats and shawls to find something to keep me warm enough to brave this chilly Canberra weather.

Whatever I decide, I’m so excited for Sam and Jon.  I know this day is going to be one never to forget.  Gorgeous people completely besotted with one another… a wedding should be about nothing else.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

I had a bride ask me this morning why we give sugared almonds as bomboniere at weddings and christenings.  Honestly, I didn’t know the correct answer.  I just knew that we traditionally give five almonds to our guests and the symbolism was to do with fertility and happiness.

So, off I went to find out the real reason why we traditionally give sugared almonds as bonbonniere…

Wedding favors have been with us for centuries.  In their early days, aristocratic brides and grooms from across Europe presented wedding favors made from crystal, porcelain, gold or precious gems to their guests as a token of thanks.

Almonds were also a popular choice, although it wasn’t until the thirteenth century that they were covered with a layer of sugar – the combination of bitter almonds and sweet sugar a symbol of the bittersweet nature of marriage. 

Today, sugared almonds (or ‘confetti’ as they are known in Italy) are presented in lots of either three or five – three to signify the bride, groom and their future child; five representing fertility, longevity, happiness, health and wealth.

Over time, the tradition spread beyond the aristocracy, and today couples of many cultural backgrounds delight in this special gesture of gratitude to their guests, selecting special favors that reflect their personalities or wedding themes. 

Whether you call them bonbonniere like the French, bomboniere as the Italians do or koufeta, as they are known in Greece, wedding favors are a charming way to thank your guests for participating in your special day.  What’s more, your friends and family will appreciate an eternal memento of the love you share for each other.

You can purchase traditional bomboniere almonds at the Pink Frosting online wedding shop.  We have traditional white, and also many other popular colours including pink, blue, red, yellow and green.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

I don’t know how many stressed brides and party hostesses I have worked with who spend hours chasing invited guests for their response to an invitation.  Whether it is your intention to attend the event or not, it’s simply rude not to take the time to respond, when the hosts have spent the time to invite you to their celebration.

RSVP is taken from the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plaît” that translates to “please respond” or literally “respond, if you please”.  Even Wikipedia’s definition has etiquette in mind: It is standard practice to reply to an RSVP request whether confirming attendance or declining.

Ideally, I’d love to have every guest respond to an RSVP request with a handwritten note or card to an invitation, but I know this is probably outrageously old-fashioned of me!  Honestly, I don’t have the time myself to do this always, but I do try especially for important events such as weddings.  Otherwise, a well worded email or a phone call to the host is also acceptable.  

This is the simple rule my mother taught me and I will teach my kids:  no matter what your response, respond on or before the date listed on the invitation.  Don’t ever leave a stressed out bride or hostess with the extra stress of having to chase you for your reply to their invitation.  That is rude.  Simply rude.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

Your wedding day may be about you and your hubby to be, but there are so many people supporting you, guiding you and simply being there for you on the day. Please invest some time when you return home from your honeymoon to send warm, heartfelt and gracious handwritten thank you notes to everyone who attended your day as well as anyone else who helped make your dream day a reality. The gesture will never be forgotten.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

A wedding invitation is so important in setting the theme for the whole affair. It sets the tone, gives your guests an idea of what to expect from the event, and of course offers the basic information for the event! The wedding invitation’s character — formal, informal, elegant, or amusing — announces the newlyweds’ style. You should take the time to choose papers, typefaces, colours, and emblems that you love, before you head off and purchase your stationery.

There are some incredible designs on the market now for your wedding stationery, or you may decide to go the do-it-yourself route. You can expect to pay anywhere from $3 a piece for a template invitation to $20 a piece for a bespoke, extravagant invitation. Pink Frosting has designs at both ends of the spectrum. Remember though, there really is no reason why you can’t create something spectacular yourself with a bit of crafty and thrifty thinking!

Wording is always the tricky part. We often visit Invitation Consultants to ensure we have the wording correct depending on who is doing the inviting and what the circumstances are.

At the most basic, where the Bride and Groom are inviting guests, here is a guide:

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Durand
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sophie Lynn
to
Jeffrey Lautrec
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Lautrec
Saturday, the fourth of December
Two thousand and seven
at two o’clock in the afternoon
Fox Green Country Club
2621 Hunter Avenue
Melbourne, Victoria

And, to make it more complicated, it’s important to address your guests correctly. Our fave etiquette master, Martha Stewart, offers the following rules:

Your guests’ names should be written in full on outer envelopes — no nicknames or initials. Use the appropriate social titles as well, such as addressing married couples as “Mr. and Mrs.” If a man’s name has a suffix, write “Mr. Joseph Morales, Jr.,” or “Mr. Joseph Morales IV”; “Junior” can be spelled out on a more formal invitation. It gets a little tricky when husband, wife, or both have different professional titles. If the husband is a doctor, for example, the titles will appear as “Doctor and Mrs.”; if the wife is a doctor, her full name would come first, as in “Doctor Sally Carter and Mr. John Carter.” If both are doctors, write “The Doctors Carter.” If they have different professional titles, list the wife first: “The Honourable Pamela Patel and Lieutenant Jonathan Patel, U.S. Navy.” If a wife has kept her maiden name, her name should appear first and be joined with her husband’s using “and.”

Good luck with it! Once you have the basics for your invitation sorted out, the rest will seem like a breeze!

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

In my experience, the best weddings are ones where the couple make the decisions, not the bride herself. It really is supposed to be a celebration of your love for one another – representing both your desires – not just a day left solely for the bride!

What do you think?


Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

I remember being taught this trick when my mum sent me off to June Daly Watkins deportment classes when I was 15 and in need of some grooming…

If you do get caught, the trick is to manoeuvre the hors d’oeuvre into your left hand with your drink (wrapped in the napkin of course) leaving your right hand free to shake hands with the other person.

Kate Spade describes this beautifully in her book, “Occasions”:

“Putting aside those with innate balance, for most of us the act of juggling is an elusive art. It helps to have a small hors d’oevre and better still, to be quick about it. Don’t linger and nibble. Eat up! The best hors d’oevres are one-bite morsels.”

I think this is the safest solution!

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

I’ve always been a big believer in the thank you note… no, not the thank you email, or the thank you phone call or the “ta” message sent over your mobile phone! I mean the geniune, old-fashioned thank you note sent by snail mail to the person who sent you a bunch of flowers for your birthday, everyone who sent you a gift for your wedding or party, the host of the dinner party you attended last night or your hairdresser when they give you extraordinary service.

Unfortunately, what your granny probably refers to as “simply good manners” isn’t quite as simple any more. Actually it is simple, it just simply isn’t practised.

Leslie Harpold of The Morning News agrees that a little graciousness doesn’t take much time but will bring many smiles. Here are her six tips for writing the perfect thank you note:

1. Greet the Giver

Dear Aunt Sally,

That’s the easy part, but you’d be surprised how many people forget it. Dale Carnegie taught us people love to hear their own names and Direct Marketing is sure we also love to read them in ink. That’s right, ink. Blue-black is always the number-one choice, but black will suffice in a pinch. Don’t let a whimsical marker colour be the most stunning part of your note: instead let the words sing without the amplification of rainbow hues. Even if your handwriting is poor, you must still hand-write your notes. Do not type them or, worse, use a word processor. No excuses.

2. Express Your Gratitude

Thank you so much for the slippers.

This first paragraph seems like it would be the easiest, but it is actually the most complicated. Beware the just writing trap. You are not ‘just writing to say’ as in I am just writing to say; that’s stating the obvious. If the giver is reading, clearly you have already written. Therefore use the present-perfect tense, which essentially means write as if whatever you say is happening in the moment.

Also—and this is important—never directly mention money. ‘Thank you for the hundred bucks’ could instead be ‘Thank you for your generosity.’ All cash denominations become ‘your generosity’ or ‘your kindness.’ If you feel the giver overspent, the farthest you can go is appreciated: ‘Your generosity is appreciated,’ or ‘It is such an extravagant gift—your kindness is appreciated.’

If you’re writing to thank someone for an intangible (such as them putting you up at their place while you were in town for the weekend), first define what the intangible thing is, and then make the gift sound as attractive as possible. In other words, don’t say: ‘Thanks for letting us crash at your place.’ Instead say: ‘Thank you for your hospitality.’ Don’t worry if it sounds too simple; the point of writing the note is to create a simple expression of a heartfelt sentiment.

3. Discuss Use

It gets very chilly here in the winter, so they will get a lot of use when winter comes.

Say something nice about the item and how you will use it. Let’s say it’s something you actually love and use incessantly—then say so: ‘Ever since I got the slippers I have only taken them off to shower and go to work. I’d wear them to the office if I thought I could get away with it.’

But don’t lie, even though some etiquette books may tell you it’s okay. After all, there’s always a truth that can be extracted. Let’s say you hate the slippers. How to say thanks? Find the one thing about them that’s nice and discuss it—but don’t get carried away. ‘They are such a lovely shade of blue’ works, and is more honest than ‘These slippers make my heart sing like a choir of angels,’ which is overkill. If it was a gesture, like letting you stay at their place, you can follow the lines of ‘It’s so nice to make a personal connection while travelling. I really appreciated my time with your family.’

If the gift was cash, allude to how you will use the money, but do not itemize your planned purchases line by line, instead simply say: ‘It will be a great help when we purchase our new home/toaster/lava lamp/whatever.’

You can get arty here, but not flowery. It’s a fine line. Small, realistic statements like ‘I put the flowers on the kitchen table and they are still looking fresh and beautiful after a week,’ or ‘I don’t know which is more fun, actually using the Cuisinart, or reading recipes and thinking I could do that in the Cuisinart!’ Having fun is alright, so have at it.

4. Mention the Past, Allude to the Future

It was great to see you at my birthday party, and I hope to see you at Dad’s retirement in February.

Why did they give you the gift? What does it mean to your relationship with the giver? Let the giver know how they fit into the fabric of your life. If it’s someone you see infrequently, say whatever you know: ‘Mum tells me you’re doing great at Stanford, and I hope we cross paths soon.’ If it’s someone you’re in regular contact with: ‘I’ll call you soon, but I wanted to take time to say thanks.’ If it’s some errant family member you have little or no contact with, simply go with ‘You are in my thoughts and I hope you are well.’ Nice, right?

5. Grace

Thanks again for your gift.

It’s not overkill to say thanks again. So say it.

6. Regards

Love,
Leslie

Simply wrap it up. Use whatever works for you: Love, Yours Truly, With Love. Then sign your name and you’re done.

What’s Not There

Any news about your life. This isn’t the time to brag about your new job, a hot girlfriend, or number of surgeries. The thank-you is exclusively about thanking somebody for their kindness. While you may want more than anything to show them once and for all you amounted to something, this is not the forum. Save that for your annual Christmas letter.

Now get it in the mail. Even if your friends and relatives aren’t of the note-writing variety, be the one who sets the precedent. Thank-you-note writing is one of the loveliest traditions to have been utterly compromised by the information age. Let’s start a movement to revive a little gracious living.

Thanks Leslie! Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

The Hollywood actress wanted to keep the arrangements secret, so used a friend’s castle for the event. You may not have a friend with a castle, but if your intention is to stage a secret ceremony, do enlist the help of your nearest and dearest and perhaps organise the hold your ceremony at a friend’s beachside unit or your brother’s house on acreage.

Marquees can be elegant for a garden reception and excellent to cope with inclement weather. Do think about the sort of draping you will use in the ceiling of the marquee and the flooring should always be wood. These two simple details, whilst expensive, will make an enormous difference to the look and feel of your reception.

In a break from tradition, Liz reportedly asked guests to give pigs and cows as wedding gifts to stock her country estate where she wants to build up her organic farm. Whilst you may not be interested in livestock as pressies (!), guests are very happy to bend to your requests with wedding gifts. Think outside the square – perhaps guests could contribute to a more elaborate honeymoon than you could afford yourselves.

The festivities for Liz’s wedding went on for a week. Having a smaller guest list with activities over a longer period is becoming more and more popular with modern brides. I personally had a four day celebration for my wedding and recommend this to everyone as it allows you ample time to see your guests and for guests to get to know one another well too.

Following on from the celebrations in England, the couple moved the party to Mumbai and the desert state of Rajasthan. Hindu rituals were performed in the tradition of Liz’s new husband’s family. Following traditions at a family wedding is a beautiful way to pay homage to your family and cultural background. Where possible, do add some traditional elements to your wedding.

And finally, Liz found ways to have her son participate in the celebrations, both formal and informal. If you have children or are welcoming new step-children into your family, do try and make them feel part of the celebrations. There are plenty of jobs for children to perform – traditional roles such as ring-bearer and flower-girl, but also in helping choose the cake, decor for the day and performing a reading if possible.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn

It’s a whole lot harder if you’re a guest and you can see your host causing problems for you and the other guests at an event. I have personally never been in a situation poor enough to warrant becoming involved, although there have been plenty of hosts who drink just a little too much and lose track of making their guests feel loved (note to hosts: keep filling the glasses of your guests if they are enjoying a drink, but be a little more careful with your own!) and I have certainly heard nightmarish stories of hosts fighting at the dinner table in front of their guests. The last thing you want as a host is to make your guests feel unwanted or uncomfortable at your event.

My advice if things do disintegrate from bad to terrible and you do feel that becoming involved in appropriate, is simply to be as tactful as possible. Pull your host aside and mention how you and your fellow guests are feeling. See if you can help at all. It may be that there is something else at play and your host needs some assistance and attention herself. Do step in and help if you can, and if necessary do tactfully finish up the evening with your host’s blessing. Most guests will be understanding.

Has anyone out there been in this situation? How did you handle it? I’m interested to hear your stories.

Happy Celebrating!

Kathryn